today wasn't as bad as i thought it'd be.

i guess after the storm rages, the calm comes.

Spring Break is coming up, and stress with it

needs to come faster. tl;dr and don't jump unless you'd like to read my teenage rant.

Feeling tired lately.

I don't know why, but time is going by so slow, and so fast. My birthday was only last Saturday, and yet.. I keep feeling doubt. I've always wanted to make it into an awesome, great, prestigious university. But I don't think that wanting is quite good enough.

I need to open my eyes. I've been trying for all my life.

And it's just not working.

Maybe the day when I find a competent person in Sacramento, who has massive experience and is willing to tutor me slowly, will be the day that I realize: maybe it's possible. I can get into UC Davis. Maybe I can get to UCLA or UC Berkeley. A long reach, maybe Stanford.

But the truth is that I've always been a dreamer, and a hater. I'm vile, evil. Despicable. Yet, I think that I still have a chance, even where I'm at. At a school with such a lack, a horrible disregard for the future. A school so ugly and focused on grades, API scores, and all that mush. I wish I was near people that cared about others and about their futures as well. But I really need to stop limiting myself.

I hope that someday I'll be able to get into a prestigious college on a Computer Science major. Not because my parents say so, but because I can. And hell, if I can, then I will. And if I will, then I am. And if I am, then.. I'm already shooting towards the future.

Disappointingmentness & A New Read for Me

:x Last Saturday and this Friday. Boo.

So last Saturday we had our pre MESA competition. And well, we've got some crappy Algebra 2 teachers, because our entire league of sophomores didn't place in the competition at all for Team Math, and only one did for Solo Math because he's just crazy like that. So I assume we've got a lot of learning to do. At least I'm still passing my math classes, righty-o? My team did place for our balsawood glider for 9/10th grade though, and our other peoples in MESA managed to place in a variety of things, and in all 3 places for Geometry, so we've got good Geometry teachers instead. WoNdErFuL. yay~

So I've been reading a book called The Faery Reel: Tales from the Twilight Realm. It's a collection of short stories or poems about faeries or fairies, however you like to spell them. There's stories about faeries from Japan, Europe, America, and others, but it's incredibly interesting.

Wednesday or Thursday, I checked out the book plus another one by Amy Tan, called The Kitchen God's Wife. I left the other one in my locker and grabbed The Faery Reel to read on the bus. To my unluckiness, it was absolutely pouring outside! Horrible weather, for a normally sunnyside place. Whenever I haven't got my umbrella, the weather goes haywire. I brought it Friday and the weather went happy on me. Thanks for the rage, weather.

Anyways, I walked 2 blocks to the bus stop and waited about 10 minutes under a nearby porch to stay dry before the bus came. Then I went on the bus, plunked my backpack and lunch box on the ground, and took up a seat (two, now I think of it, maybe) while zipping out my copy of the story. I laid down reading the book while staying warm for 20 minutes until I got home, and it was an absolutely fascinating book. I actually just finished it today.

Anyways, I recommend it. It's perfect for a day when you're in need of inspiration and hope, and great on rainy days when you need something to brighten up. And awesomeitiousness when added in with hot chocolate. It's definitely a read better for teens, as the stories tend to edge towards that spectrum, with some about teenage love, some that are more like folk tales, and others. A great read for those in need of a curiosity boost.